Wednesday, 7 August 2013
I believe in Love
I believe in Love. I love being love - basking my heart on the glorious splendors of love...to love and be loved. YES! There are more to life than mulling over this idealistic feeling of LOVE ... like MONEY, you can feel, touch and experience the MONEY = its gratification does gives one that flush of adrenalin rush & I may not be wrong to assume, the happy hormones will be secreted too in the process. THIS BLOG is DEDICATED to LOVE. I share my real life journey living-loving this one man whom I miraculously love with every drop of life in me. This is my love story told as it is so as we can all reflect, ponder, dissect if you may or just thrash it out the window = as the air is to life that we breathe in ... so is Love to keep my heart pumping everyday.
Friday, 11 January 2013
His Absence
M7W2D12@8:55pm
KL-His Home
Bertentang mata
Kita berdua
Bila bersama
Pantas
Hatiku berlari
Inikah cinta?
Inikah kasih?
Hanyalah aku
yang mencintaimu ....
** Oh kasih,
Oh sayang,
Di manakah cinta?
Berbisik kasih
Terguris rindu
Hanya aku
Yang mencintaimu.
THIS song I wrote for my GF while we were swimming in the pool at her stludio-cum-home bungalow years ago.
Outrageous Union
M7W3D16Mon@6:00pm
The whole day, KL was darkened with heavy-laden skies promises of thunders and lightnings were thumping across the light of day! I awaken at 7:00ish, slept around 1am - waited for his return BUT only ...
I'M A DUFUS!
M7W3D176TUE-12:40pm
His home, KL.
IF LOVE IS LOVE, must it be patient and kind? Must it be peaceful and not war? Sigh. I am love, so I must be Love.
Today I realised that I shall forever be single. What the hell was I doing fooling myself with real love and fires of deceptions ... MEN and MEN will ALWAYS ALWAYS CHEAT - MEN ARE LIARS!
Or so I think. Sigh.
Am a dufus in love.
His home, KL.
IF LOVE IS LOVE, must it be patient and kind? Must it be peaceful and not war? Sigh. I am love, so I must be Love.
Today I realised that I shall forever be single. What the hell was I doing fooling myself with real love and fires of deceptions ... MEN and MEN will ALWAYS ALWAYS CHEAT - MEN ARE LIARS!
Or so I think. Sigh.
Am a dufus in love.
Queen of Pentacles
Hi Loveleena! Here is your Daily Tarot Card for Friday, January 11
| "The Queen of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in generosity. I am in a position to be gracious and to consider the welfare of others as I surround myself with or reproduce the conditions I wish to create. I am empowered by embracing my own splendor and earthy sensuality and this gives me the validation to nurture, share, or bring new life into the world. My asset is fertile and perennial gratitude." |
virgo
8/23 - 9/22
daily overview
Looking for love? It's in the pipeline -- though maybe not in a way that you would expect. Your energy has drawn someone to you at work or in some similar place who really likes what they see.
daily extended
Some big news is coming to a member of your social circle today, and there could be some dramatic and emotional reactions. This is something that you have been suspecting for quite a while, so the news flash won't be much of a flash for you -- and you'll have fun seeing how differently people are taking the news. Help everyone else come to terms with the revelation by showing them that it's really not that big of a deal anyway. Your guidance is critical.
daily career
Things are moving so slowly at work that you won't even be missed. Go ahead and take a personal day. You'll be that much more motivated and meticulous come Monday morning.
daily love
You are feeling incredibly stable, emotionally speaking, so you should be able to confront anyone on any issue -- if that's even necessary. If not, you have a great shot at making that cutie feel good.
daily couples
You're just about bursting with romantic energy right now, and you should be able to sweep your partner off their feet with ease. Don't worry about tomorrow -- just take care of things tonight.
daily singles
Persevering in the realm of romance now will pay off handsomely. The universe loves a good-faith effort in the love department, and it's ready to reward positivity and even blind faith.
rabbit
overview
Now is the time to spend some of that money you've been saving on pampering yourself. You work hard, so play hard every now and then. As long as you've been taking care of your responsibilities there's no reason to feel guilty. Shoot, throw in a trip to the gelato stand and sweeten things up a bit.
rabbit
2012 forecasts
rabbit overview
True, the Dragon's pace isn't as comfortable as that of the Rabbit. And yes, this year could be a bit more challenging for you than the last one. But come on, you're looking at seven favorable months! You'll have plenty of opportunities to do what you want and go where you like -- and be successful while you're at it. For now, it's all about timing. Pick your spots, plan celebrations, make big trips and start new projects during your favorable months. And when the unfavorable ones roll around, head for the comfort of your Rabbit hole, where you can avoid risk, spend time with the people you trust the most, and be comfortable with the old while waiting to start the new.
rabbit rating
56% (7 favorable, 1 neutral and 4 unfavorable months)
rabbit career
Oh boy. The Dragon is always tempting everyone to make big changes and take huge leaps ... but this really isn't the time for you to follow in his footsteps. Things will shift and change a whole lot in 2012, so your job will be to find steady ground and hang on for dear life. Stay within your areas of expertise. Do what you're good at and what will generate the most money. Don't implement any big business ideas or career moves just yet; if you insist on doing so, wait until your lucky months to make changes. Persistent effort should pay off.
rabbit relationships
Are you on edge about your love life? Indeed, Dragon years have that type of effect. For you, the Dragon's passion and impulsiveness are a little unnerving, as you prefer when people are calm and act rationally. Luckily, Water gives relationships a boost by helping with communication. The good news is the Dragon favors marriage and celebrations. Do you hear wedding bells? This could be your year to take the big leap into love. If you're single, 2012 could be a roller coaster of interesting dates and several different relationships. Be cautious about professing your love right away -- the Dragon loves passion, but it can be fleeting. Hang on tightly and try to enjoy the ride!
rabbit health
It's possible your nervous tendencies could be heightened this year, so make sure you take care of yourself and your mental state. The Dragon's devil-may-care attitude probably makes you quiver; you can also expect others to act slightly crazy and unpredictable. Make time for quiet introspection and ensure your home is a place of refuge. If you have the energy, take up a high-intensity activity such as Bikram yoga or marathon-running. Channel nervous energy into healthy outlets, and keep an eye on your nutrition. After all, the Dragon tends to overdo it and indulge.
rabbit wealth
You probably don't need any warnings about your finances -- after all, you certainly have a way with money. If you can remain savvy about your finances, you might even do well this year -- that is, if you're able to avoid the Dragon's influence for big risks and impulsive purchases. It could be tempting to make costly home upgrades or book an expensive vacation. Use your lucky months for any necessary big spending, but don't go crazy with it.
Virgo Daily Horoscope
| Today's Virgo Horoscope from Cafe Astrology | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| January 11, 2013 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 The New Moon today sparks your creative juices, dear Virgo. Romantic inclinations are also highlighted, as are any kind of celebratory, playful, and just-for-fun endeavors. You will be especially aware of your need for approval and feedback from others in the coming weeks, deriving pleasure from the ways your own creativity impact the world around you. This can be a passionate time for you, and a time when you might feel bolder than usual. If you are feeling good about yourself, and especially if you have taken advantage of the time for re-building of confidence that last month's New Moon brought, you will fairly radiate during this expressive period.Virgo (Born September 13 to 23) - 20 to 30 degrees Virgo:2013: Virgo Horoscope: Love, Career, & General Trends
2013 Overview for all Virgos.
Particularly from February to June, you are likely to enjoy some form of promotion, positive exposure, or career recognition, dear Virgo. You are learning to "own" what you do in 2013, and feeling more comfortable in a position of authority. You are also communicating with more authority, or honing your knowledge in a particular trade or area of knowledge/expertise. However, some people in your life might complain that you are not as available for idle chit-chat during this time. You are taking more pride in your home and family. The second half of the year brings a new focus, and it's a time when your social life increases. Through groups or friends, you might seek a sense of belonging and comfort, and you're likely to find it! This is also a time for new and exciting ideas for future growth and happiness. You are entertaining dreams of where you'd like to go with your life, and while it was your professional life that you were more interested in in the first half of 2013, you are more concerned with personal happiness, ideals, and long-term goals in the second half. There can be a cause that you work towards enthusiastically, possibly related to family. Business income is likely to be strong. However, money from another source, possibly a partner, ex-partner, or lender may be unreliable this year, so there can be some worries about money. Love relationships might be complicated at times, as you explore alternative options, but overall, they're likely to be considerably more stable this year. For some of you, the second half of the year can involve a friendship morphing into something more, but for most of you, patience and a sense of peace with what you have or what you want is with you now. Single Virgos are not as anxious, preferring to wait for something that truly feels right, rather than settle for something that doesn't, and coupled Virgos feel more content this year. Teaming up with others can figure strongly in 2013, and can bring some real benefits to your life. You are working harder this year at communicating more effectively and building your level of expertise. You are dissatisfied with sloppy learning or holes in your thinking and want to refine your skills and knowledge. You might meet people who inspire you and motivate you to be the best you can be, simply because they see the best in you.
2013 Details.
Until May 12th, Jupiter continues to transit your solar ninth house. Under this influence, you may have opportunities to travel, study, go abroad, expand your horizons, and meet people who are of diverse backgrounds. You might become more intellectually curious now, and academic pursuits are likely to benefit you and run smoothly during this cycle. Business dealings, particularly long-distance ones and those involving publicity and promotion, are likely to be profitable now. Legal matters might also work in your favor, or long-standing legal problems might now be ironed out. Some of you will be seeking legal advice and find it especially helpful now. A more faithful attitude towards life in general is likely now--you tend to feel that everything will work out in the end. Authors might get published now, receive good reviews, or they could significantly expand their audience. Travel is quite possible now, whether it's business or personal. Educational and travel opportunities expand your horizons. Teaching and learning are favored now. Writing and studying flow more naturally now. This is also an excellent period for positive dealings with in-laws! Your mind is more expansive and tolerant, and you are under less stress than usual. You are less inclined to sweat the small stuff. These positive circumstances won't necessarily fall into your lap, and are unlikely to come all at once. You need to keep your eyes open for opportunities in these areas of life. Watch for a tendency towards a "holier than thou" attitude.
The most favorable periods for these matters occur while Jupiter is in direct motion in your solar ninth house, from January 30th to May 12th.
From May 12th forward, Jupiter transits your solar tenth house. Increased public recognition and professional success characterize this position. This can be a time of achievement, career advancement, and success in business. Business-related travel or the reaching of a wider audience is possible during this cycle. Your worldly or public status may change for the better. There could be a promotion, new job opportunities, a diploma, an important award, or a marriage. You may come into the limelight. Authority figures or other influential people tend to look upon you favorably, see more potential in you, and readily help you along, so work it! Something might happen now, or circumstances are such, that your career (or professional interests in general) expands, and you find more joy and pleasure from your work. You could enjoy more freedom, or possibly even responsibilities, in your career. Integrity, directness, and honesty will get you everywhere now. The more willing you are to put yourself in the limelight, the more positive the rewards--this is not the time to be a shrinking violet! These positive circumstances won't necessarily fall into your lap, and are unlikely to come all at once. You need to keep your eyes open for opportunities in these areas of life.
Be wary of situations that could get blown out of proportion or misunderstood. Some elements of your personal life may be exposed, or you could be in the position to put yourself out there when you'd prefer more privacy. While the influence you're experiencing now is ultimately for the good, it can also act to magnify difficult situations in order to get there, and the process can include moments of discomfort. Your hard work and effort can be recognized now, and you could find yourself in a position that truly suits you. For some of you, more prestige or a higher social standing may be part of the picture now. Family life can improve during this period. You might repair a relationship with a parent or boss.
The most favorable periods for these matters occur while Jupiter is in direct motion in your solar tenth house, from May 12th to November 6th.
Saturn transits your solar second house again this year, urging you to take stock of your effectiveness, self-worth, and finances. This stage of your life may involve hard work, but not necessarily of an unpleasant variety! Financial success is generally steady, if slow to come by. This transit has traditionally been associated with financial loss, but in truth, it is more about our perceptions—you are likely to review how effective you have been on a financial level to date, and find some dissatisfaction with your progress. In fact, gains may be slow, but sudden reversals are not common with this transit. The purpose of this transit is for you to make the connection between your own feelings of self-worth and what you produce in the real world/get back from the real world. In recent years, you may have had some feelings of being unsupported (you may have been thinking, "I work so hard, and what do I get for all this hard work?"), but as the transit moves forward, you learn to look inside of yourself with a newfound clarity and realism and ideally draw up considerable strength from within. You work on your effectiveness in the world, and see exactly what has been holding you back from achieving the results you want. The challenge here is to capture the newly found and defined self-confidence you gained while Saturn was in Virgo, and now apply it in the real world.
Uranus continues to transit your solar seventh house. Close relationships may have received a shake-down in recent years, and you may have felt that it's been hard to truly rely on a partner. Lifeless or outworn relationships may have been especially hard to bear for you. Some trial and error in relationships is par for the course with Uranus in this sector of your chart. This year, more changes in your view of partnerships are in store, but these matters are not as pressing as they were when Uranus opposed your Sun.
The influence of Neptune is similar to last year. Neptune continues to transit your solar sixth house, as it has been doing for a number of years. You are more susceptible to medications, chemicals, and other such things during this long-term cycle, so keep this in mind. Stress more easily affects your health as well. Some confusion on the job may have been part of the picture, or your job may have steered towards compassionate service, charity, or other helping professions. Although Virgos are known for their ability to stick to schedules, Neptune's presence here has made it more challenging to do so.
The North Node of the Moon is transiting your solar third house until March, and this suggests that some of the greatest joys - and challenges - come through learning, communications, and connecting. You need to learn to listen to others so that you discover the value of true communication and exchange, and to see both sides of a situation. Learning to slow down, to be sensitive to social graces and networks, and to sensitize yourself to others' needs and communications, will release you from nervous tension and help you achieve more happiness and inner balance. From March forward, the North Node points you in the direction of personal income, possessions, and values. You need to learn to depend on yourself and to establish your self-worth through your own efforts.
Eclipses in 2013 fall in your solar third and ninth houses and second and eighth houses. You will be learning to expand your horizons, possibly through contact with people from an entirely different background than yours, travel, or higher learning. Your personal philosophy will be changing, and eclipses give you a push towards adopting beliefs that truly work for you in the real world. You are learning about your need for self-expression through adventure. There may also be some sort of drama surrounding communication, modes of transportation, mobility, neighbors, or siblings that requires you to reorganize. Additionally, your finances are evolving in important ways. You will be called upon to strike a balance between your own needs for security and comfort and the same needs of other people, such as those of a significant other. Some re-shuffling of money and resources may be in order.
Your ruler, Mercury, turns retrograde typically at least three times in the course of a year. These periods are better used for reflection rather than for pushing personal plans ahead. In 2012, Mercury is retrograde from March 12-April 4, July 14-August 8, and November 6-26.
From May to November, there may be some conflict between the demands of a partnership and the demands of home and family. Finding a balance between the two is essential.
Perfecting your particular craft is natural this year. Some of you may find that your career is moving towards a more service-oriented direction. Practical matters are a large focus and are very strong. More security in your job is likely. You are more willing than usual to work diligently for money, and your natural talents are likely to be utilized more in the work you do, and appreciated by others.
Name NumberUse the birth name--the name given a person at birth--to determine the Name Number (also known as the Expression Number), which reveals the overall personality. To calculate the name number, find the number that corresponds to each letter in the name in the chart below, add the numerals up, and then "reduce" the final number to a single digit, as you did with the birth path number, above.
Example:Name given at birth: Mary Lynn Smith.Find each letter and its corresponding numeral in the chart above, and then add these digits together: 4+1+9+7+3+7+5+5+1+4+9+2+8 = 65 Reduce by adding the sum's digits together, and then further reduce to come to a single digit, if necessary: 65 = 6+5 = 11 11 = 1+1 = 2 In this example, the Name Number is 2, representing the personality type. The Meaning of Basic Numbers in Numerology:
Master NumbersIn the first example above, in which the calculations for the Birth Path Number were demonstrated, the final number was reduced from an 11 to a 2. In Numerology, there are such things as Master Numbers that are noted, and these are the numbers 11 and 22. Essentially, the number 11 is a 2, but it is considered a higher vibration of the number 2. Similarly, the number 22 is a 4, but it is a higher vibration of the number 4. |
Is your love meant to be? Find out with a 
Monday, 16 July 2012
LOVE'S HOME ALONE
M7W3D16Mon@12:45am
His home
WHERE is he? I will never know and I will never ask ... and guess what ... he will never tell. Now how about that? After the wild union we had, an hour later or so, he slept from abt 6ish to nearly 10ish ... a good 4hours rest. 36 miss calls on his phone and numerous on him - all for him. When he woke up, he ate his mamak mee goreng, and asked me to call this and that number ... and then after his mee mamak was done, I lighted him a ciggy. I complimented him on his good 4 fours of sleep ... then, just as I went into the shower, and I was about done ... he said he was going out ... I barely heard what he said. So, I draped my wet body in towel and saw him already in his jeans and clean shirt ... all ready to go. He said he is going out and I said ok. As he locked the padlock and when he stretched his right hand for me to kiss my respect and I did. As I closed the door behind me, tiny tears dropped on my cheeks.
Now he goes and comes back tomorrow ... what time I don't know, and I do care but he doesn't even bother to tell me what time and best part is he will never reply my SMS and since I don't call him .... this is the silence of our relationship that is now bothering every bones in my body. When I first started this relationship with him, I did all this out of respect THINKING THAT ONE DAY HE WILL SOON TIRE OF ME NOT ASKING and eventually, as how normal couple does - informing each other of their locations, and who they see and what they do ... what they wear for that occasion, what happened there and bla bla bla ... what they ate, who made them angry, what was the stupidest thing he heard .. WHATEVER la under the sun, your partner will be story-ing you ... AND fundamentally, NO not answering the CALL or not replying the partner's SMS ... BUT again that is why I am doubting his affection OR what is his intention towards me? Why is he letting me be here? OR is it because I don't want to leave by myself and simply because of that he is staying away?
Doesn't he know that I don't have anywhere else safe to go? That every where I go everyone wants to have a piece of me ... I am tired of putting off silly gestures that makes me sick every time anyone tries to tackle me ... I am in love with someone who doesn't love me, that is why I am not with him right now - that is my standard answer every time anyone asked me why is it that I am all alone. Doesn't he know that I can't go elsewhere because I love him and I will die if I don't feel him? Doesn't he know that to love him, I had to really gave up a really good lifestyle of good food and good living, etc VS like today, I did not eat a single meal just two boiled eggs - while his meal was a full mamak mee ... he didn't ask me whether I have eaten or what is it that I ate ... ALL THESE SMALL THINGS are the signals that I will start noticing RIGHT NOW! I hated his guts for cheating on me by bringing those stupid females and entertaining them here ... and how many times he meet them outside and where and when I will never know ... I just hated him for throwing me out nowhere because he WANTS OTHER WOMEN INSIDE HERE. WHY? WHY? WHY? I will never accept that deceit.
I WILL continue loving him. I just hope I can anchor myself with pride soon so that he will not look down on me ever again. As it is I believed he thinks very low of me not knowing what sort of a person I am truly am. I shall hope to see him in action outside - what does he do with himself and his body.
I want to know this stranger who is also the same man that comes home everyday and walked into this house and calls me his bf and he is the man that I love.
NO SMS and no calls from him. It's 1:23am now. How lonely is my heart loving this man. Sigh.
His home
WHERE is he? I will never know and I will never ask ... and guess what ... he will never tell. Now how about that? After the wild union we had, an hour later or so, he slept from abt 6ish to nearly 10ish ... a good 4hours rest. 36 miss calls on his phone and numerous on him - all for him. When he woke up, he ate his mamak mee goreng, and asked me to call this and that number ... and then after his mee mamak was done, I lighted him a ciggy. I complimented him on his good 4 fours of sleep ... then, just as I went into the shower, and I was about done ... he said he was going out ... I barely heard what he said. So, I draped my wet body in towel and saw him already in his jeans and clean shirt ... all ready to go. He said he is going out and I said ok. As he locked the padlock and when he stretched his right hand for me to kiss my respect and I did. As I closed the door behind me, tiny tears dropped on my cheeks.
Now he goes and comes back tomorrow ... what time I don't know, and I do care but he doesn't even bother to tell me what time and best part is he will never reply my SMS and since I don't call him .... this is the silence of our relationship that is now bothering every bones in my body. When I first started this relationship with him, I did all this out of respect THINKING THAT ONE DAY HE WILL SOON TIRE OF ME NOT ASKING and eventually, as how normal couple does - informing each other of their locations, and who they see and what they do ... what they wear for that occasion, what happened there and bla bla bla ... what they ate, who made them angry, what was the stupidest thing he heard .. WHATEVER la under the sun, your partner will be story-ing you ... AND fundamentally, NO not answering the CALL or not replying the partner's SMS ... BUT again that is why I am doubting his affection OR what is his intention towards me? Why is he letting me be here? OR is it because I don't want to leave by myself and simply because of that he is staying away?
Doesn't he know that I don't have anywhere else safe to go? That every where I go everyone wants to have a piece of me ... I am tired of putting off silly gestures that makes me sick every time anyone tries to tackle me ... I am in love with someone who doesn't love me, that is why I am not with him right now - that is my standard answer every time anyone asked me why is it that I am all alone. Doesn't he know that I can't go elsewhere because I love him and I will die if I don't feel him? Doesn't he know that to love him, I had to really gave up a really good lifestyle of good food and good living, etc VS like today, I did not eat a single meal just two boiled eggs - while his meal was a full mamak mee ... he didn't ask me whether I have eaten or what is it that I ate ... ALL THESE SMALL THINGS are the signals that I will start noticing RIGHT NOW! I hated his guts for cheating on me by bringing those stupid females and entertaining them here ... and how many times he meet them outside and where and when I will never know ... I just hated him for throwing me out nowhere because he WANTS OTHER WOMEN INSIDE HERE. WHY? WHY? WHY? I will never accept that deceit.
I WILL continue loving him. I just hope I can anchor myself with pride soon so that he will not look down on me ever again. As it is I believed he thinks very low of me not knowing what sort of a person I am truly am. I shall hope to see him in action outside - what does he do with himself and his body.
I want to know this stranger who is also the same man that comes home everyday and walked into this house and calls me his bf and he is the man that I love.
NO SMS and no calls from him. It's 1:23am now. How lonely is my heart loving this man. Sigh.
Outrageous Union
M7W3D16Mon@6:00pm
The whole day, KL was darkened with heavy-laden skies promises of thunders and lightnings were thumping across the light of day! I awaken at 7:00ish, slept around 1am - waited for his return BUT only to have him call to press the lift when sunrise greets my eyes. I jumped off the bed, eagerly dashed to press the lift and dashed back inside and await his arrival. Quickly boiled water when I saw him, my heart fell. I do love him, still - despite not knowing what happened to him for the past many hours while I was asleep. Dunno where he went, what he did, who he spoke to - it is not that I never wanted to know. The fact that I never ask him, it meant I really love him to trust him to freely tell me IF he wants to. I don't have to ask to be told what's happening in his life - all these dark mysteries will continue to bother me as long as I don't have his consent to know. His silence in not telling me anything is his right as a man. I offer him my heart without having him cling to me like a leaf to a branch. He can still have his freedom to choose to do as he please. So as to doubt me, he can. So as to fool around behind my back, he is of the liberty as long as he knows that I love him no matter what.
Honestly, I kinda hated myself for being too open with my thoughts, of being too transparent. I mean, I tell him things of my opinion where else I should have just kept quiet and not say anything. I become a too easy prey. I really dunno what else to say. I am still unsure that he loves me. Today's loving was wild as usual without the pre-loving tenderness of kissing on the lips and kisses on my bosoms. It was all lustful gratifications of his loins and smacked under rubber, his hardness rammed inside my softness. He is a wild lover and the fact that he doesn't want to kiss me still makes me curious. WHY? Doesn't he love me? The fact that he doesn't want to make love to me inside the bedroom no more, why is that? I used to love having him play with me under the blanket, such a unique experience that made me really attracted to him. He used to be so romantic that I really have fallen so much in love with him and no to untanggle myself out of not loving him, it is SO SO HARD.
He's asleep now - see he never holds my hand and pulls me to bed and tells me to sleep with him together. Why is he so so different? Does it mean he loves or simply just not into me? What is wrong with simple gestures of love from him to me when he knows what any women wants, right? Don't I deserve to be treated with gentle care from a man to a woman? He knows that I have been kissed on the lips for months? Forgetla the fact that he will never arouse me before we make love, its all just having his satisfaction all the way. I am not seeing something right I suppose OR am I just denying that he never wanted me seriously anyway. He doesn't care about me not having a place in his house where I can place my clothes ...nothing is permanent for me here in his house. And I am still convince, that he is not sure where I belong in his heart. I guess, I still don't belong anywhere that I am of paramount important to him. I am just like one of his gadget to be used as he please ... and thrown away when he don't need me. And here I am loving him with every breath of life in this body. I never seek fairness though. All I want is a man to love me, that's all. Strange, this time round I find myself weaken by love ... I never was a strong believer in loving someone who can't give me the pleasures of living - and this man, this man who makes me cry and wanting him every time ... why do I give him my heart and my life? I must really understand myself first truly WHAT IS IT ABOUT HIM THAT MAKES ME GO GUGUGAGA ... i LOVE HIM.
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